KAREN (BASE FORM)

She wants to speak to your manager, and guess what — she IS the manager. She's that person in every retail hell who knows exactly which buttons to push. Her finger-point jabs are precision instruments of psychological warfare, and her complaint scream interrupts with the confidence of someone who's never been told no. She's got a clipboard shield because every good passive-aggressive counterattack needs documentation. She'll document your failures in triplicate and file them before you've finished apologizing. She fights like middle management as a blood sport.