KAREN (MANAGER ASCENDED)

She evolved. The base form was insufferable, but now she's ascended to corporate malice that'll make your head spin. She doesn't just want your manager — she IS the CEO of everyone who's ever been wronged in customer service. Her authority aura stuns for six seconds. Her go-to move: instant 'you're being escalated' counters that make you feel like YOU committed a crime. She quotes policy like scripture and makes you apologize to HER. Fights in a power suit. Has a 401k. In this for the long haul.